Overdramatizing

When men shake in their boots over nothing

I think there are few things in writing that will make it seem less... good... than too much drama. Overreactions and reactions that don't quite fit the circumstances. This is a very common thing with green writers and a huge reason why something might be described as "cringe."

I sometimes see someone lamenting that they feel their writing might be cringe, and people flock to the comments to tell them that no, of course not! But I would advise you to always listen to that voice that says there is cringe, and to try to determine the reason why it feels that way to you.

When writing Starlight Jewel, I had mostly ironed the cringe out of my writing, but there were still some areas that made me feel like the work wasn't done. And I justified it to me. "That reaction needs to be there."

That was until my writing mentor commented that the reactions didn't really need to be there. After some back and forth with him, I realized what the issue was. I was trying to overemphasize certain character dynamics and reinforce character traits by making absolutely for suresies that readers knew exactly what characters were feeling and overemphasizing the drama of some situations to try and instill tension.

Now, I did this in different ways than most green writers I see, so I'll address what I see more commonly, especially since I have an example fresh at hand.

- Exclamation marks

- Trembling/shaking/dripping sweat/stuttering

- Yelling at people for small infractions

In order to establish that this character is a character of great authority and to be greatly feared, people tremble and stutter in their presence. There is a lot of "Of course my lord! I-I-I'm so sorry!" over minor things.

The thing is, this is cringe (it's okay, the author specifically enlisted me to help with this issue, so they are aware and it isn't news to them).

Power, respect, and fear are not things that need to be loud, and they don't need to be established abruptly in one scene. They can be established subtly and incrementally throughout your story. And it is okay if some readers miss it.

Let's write out two contrasting example scenes for illustrative purposes:

---

Anna watched from the wood stove as Mako answered the door.

The man outside was dressed immaculately, a jeweled blade at his hip. "You had me waiting outside for a half hour. I demand to see Lord Mako!"

Mako huffed. “You have no right to make demands here”—he looked at the crest on the man's chest—"and I'll be reporting you to the king for your insolence!"

It was then that the man seemed to realize that he was indeed talking to Lord Mako, and his hands began to tremble. "P-please forgive me! Lord Mako I-I didn't know!"

“Tell me why you’ve come to disturb my peace,” Mako growled.

The man pulled a scroll out with a trembling hand. “The king… Lord Mako. He has requested that you return…”

Mako ripped the scroll from his hand and tossed it to Anna, who caught it and put it into the wood stove.

She grabbed the fire iron and pointed it threateningly at the messenger. “You can tell my brother to eat crow. He promised us peace, and we will fight for it to our last breaths.”

“Lady… Annavale?” He looked her plain clothes over in shock. It took him a moment before he lowered himself in a groveling bow. “My lady… surely you understand? And you want to help your brother and king?”

Mako drew nearer the man, towering over him. “We won a war for him! He can clean up his own mess now.” He put his hand on the hilt of his sword menacingly. “Now go!”

---

Now, option 2...

Anna watched from the woodstove as Mako answered the door.

"Welcome traveler, I apologize for the delay. What can I do for you?"

"Please fetch Lord Mako for me. I'd rather not be kept waiting even longer." The man was dressed in fine green velvet, his demeanor that of someone used to finer comforts than what he'd find here.

"And who might be asking after him?" Mako replied, the touch of amusement in his voice only apparent to Anna.

"Sir Toby. And you will address myself and your own lord with more respect." The curt reply was not entirely uncalled for, given the man's upbringing. Such expectations were ingrained in him.

"Sir Toby... the Duke's bastard son? You were a tiny whelp last I saw you. Come in, Anna might be inclined to give you a bit of tea and some bread."

Sir Toby's face flushed, though he still seemed uncertain. At least now he took a bit of caution as he stepped inside the large cabin.

He looked around as Anna approached with a mug, seeming to realize that this was not an estate, really. Just a home. Mako gestured to the seats by the fire as Anna poured boiling water through the strainer and leaves.

"You are... Lord Mako?" Sir Toby finally asked.

Mako grinned and gestured to his wolf-hide jacket and deer-skin pants. "You couldn't guess from my fine attire, Sir Toby? They give those 'sirs' out to anyone now. Bastards had to win a battle or two to get a title when I was in court."

Anna handed Sir Toby a mug and waited.

Sir Toby looked confused, then he raised an eyebrow. "Lady Annavale?" He quickly stood and bowed before sitting again.

Anna sat beside Mako, hoping this wouldn't take much time.

"Lord Mako, the king has humbly asked that you return to—"

"No." The tone in Mako's voice changed, no longer light and carefree. "The king and I have an agreement, and he will hold to it."

"You must understand that circumstances have changed gravely in recent years. And as you can see from this missive"—Sir Toby handed over a sealed scroll—"there is no room for refusal."

Mako handed the scroll to Anna, who put it into the wood stove to burn, then retrieved the fire iron and turned back, chin up. "Sir Toby, you can tell my brother that he has broken one promise too many. And that if he wants my husband's sword, he will have to come and take it." She pointed the iron at Mako. "That is not a free man. That is not a free sword. That man is kept. Here. And only death himself will take him from me."

Mako grinned and leaned back in his chair. "Sorry, Sir Toby. Our dear king will have to find another man to lead his army." He flexed his sword hand, missing the weight. "The door is there. I would take your leave before you put my sweet Annavale in a mood."

Sir Toby eyed Anna. No one but Mako would describe her as "sweet."

---

Alright, I got a little carried away there. But you see the difference? No one is trembling, but there is still tension. In the first example, no one actually fits their roles.

A man with authority does not need to flaunt it and sling it around with no discernment. That just makes him seem ridiculous not respectable. And a noble, even a lowlier one, is not going to be on the verge of pissing himself over making a mistake.

This also bleeds into a secondary issue of devaluing one character in an attempt to add value to another. You make one character seem worthless and incompetent, in order to make the other character look even better. This is a minor case of it with a side character, but sometimes you'll see it with a cringey villain (Queen of the Tearling, for example).

The thing is, this does not fool readers. You have not added any sense of authority/respect to this character by devaluing the other character. Having a worthless character be afraid of them for no good reason is not effective. By taking their value away, you have inherently taken away any impact they could have on the reader's impression of the other character.